In two days - possibly sooner - I should have my residence permit issued, and be able to head back to Latvia soon thereafter.¹ I was reflecting last night on the time that's passed and realized how much has happened in the seven weeks and four days since I left Riga. Time is most often measured in well-known conventional units,² but as I've remained in this holding pattern I've become aware of some lesser-known - but every bit as significant - measurable units of time...
The Haircut. Defined as "the length of time, on average, between haircuts." By this standard, I've been gone for approximately 0.8 haircuts. In other words, it's getting close to clipper time.
TV Show Season (DVD or Online Streaming). No easy equivalent to conventional time, it's a complex product of the relationship between how busy your schedule is, how gripping the TV show is, and how much you're able to resist the urge to watch "just one more."³ I've been gone for approximately two and a half TVSS's.⁴
Bottles of Body Wash Used. There are a lot of variables in this time unit as well - temperature, frequency and intensity of athletic endeavours, water hardness, etc. - but there is a surprisingly close correlation to The Haircut, as it's been about 0.8 BOBWU's since I was last in Latvia.
Tour de France Titles Vacated. This is a somewhat standard unit of time; over the long run, approximately one TdFTV will occur per year. I've been gone - unofficially, at least⁵ - for seven TdFTV's, but it hasn't really felt that long at all.
Epic Collapses by the Boston Red Sox. Very similar unit to above, but averages slightly less than one per year (thanks to 2004 and 2007). Hard to predict when it will occur, but it almost always does at some point over the summer.
...you get the idea.
Time is a funny thing. This period of time away from Riga has, on one hand, been a blur - seven TdFTV's have gone by! - but at the same time, it's managed to drag along very slowly. Perhaps the most frustrating part of this period of time has been the uncertainty surrounding it; at no point have I known how long I would be here, which has engendered a constant feeling of being on-call. Any day, any moment, any week, any TVSS, I might get that call or email or piece of paperwork that will kick-start the next step in this process.
Time is supposed to be linear, but it appears that I've somehow turned into a cul-de-sac of sorts along the way forward.
I've been re-reading Four Quartets by T.S. Eliot this week. Time is a subject which keeps arising throughout all four parts of this work, and this section (from Burnt Norton) struck me as being especially pertinent in speaking into my current state of affairs:
At the still point of the turning world. Neither flesh nor fleshless;
Neither from nor towards; at the still point, there the dance is,
But neither arrest nor movement. And do not call it fixity,
Where past and future are gathered. Neither movement from nor towards,
Neither ascent nor decline. Except for the point, the still point,
There would be no dance, and there is only the dance.
I can only say, there we have been: but I cannot say where.
And I cannot say, how long, for that is to place it in time.⁶
Strikingly apt.
Trying to force my linear understanding of time onto a situation can tarnish the beauty of the loops and swirls that one finds oneself in along the way. The pause might actually be part of the progress.
That being said, and all those lessons being learned and all that... I'm ready for this time to be over. Ready to be back in Riga. Ready to start my language studies. Ready to escape this inward spiral and start heading back towards the place and the people that pulled me into this life in the first place.
I wait for the Lord,
The Haircut. Defined as "the length of time, on average, between haircuts." By this standard, I've been gone for approximately 0.8 haircuts. In other words, it's getting close to clipper time.
TV Show Season (DVD or Online Streaming). No easy equivalent to conventional time, it's a complex product of the relationship between how busy your schedule is, how gripping the TV show is, and how much you're able to resist the urge to watch "just one more."³ I've been gone for approximately two and a half TVSS's.⁴
Bottles of Body Wash Used. There are a lot of variables in this time unit as well - temperature, frequency and intensity of athletic endeavours, water hardness, etc. - but there is a surprisingly close correlation to The Haircut, as it's been about 0.8 BOBWU's since I was last in Latvia.
Tour de France Titles Vacated. This is a somewhat standard unit of time; over the long run, approximately one TdFTV will occur per year. I've been gone - unofficially, at least⁵ - for seven TdFTV's, but it hasn't really felt that long at all.
Epic Collapses by the Boston Red Sox. Very similar unit to above, but averages slightly less than one per year (thanks to 2004 and 2007). Hard to predict when it will occur, but it almost always does at some point over the summer.
...you get the idea.
Time is a funny thing. This period of time away from Riga has, on one hand, been a blur - seven TdFTV's have gone by! - but at the same time, it's managed to drag along very slowly. Perhaps the most frustrating part of this period of time has been the uncertainty surrounding it; at no point have I known how long I would be here, which has engendered a constant feeling of being on-call. Any day, any moment, any week, any TVSS, I might get that call or email or piece of paperwork that will kick-start the next step in this process.
Time is supposed to be linear, but it appears that I've somehow turned into a cul-de-sac of sorts along the way forward.
I've been re-reading Four Quartets by T.S. Eliot this week. Time is a subject which keeps arising throughout all four parts of this work, and this section (from Burnt Norton) struck me as being especially pertinent in speaking into my current state of affairs:
At the still point of the turning world. Neither flesh nor fleshless;
Neither from nor towards; at the still point, there the dance is,
But neither arrest nor movement. And do not call it fixity,
Where past and future are gathered. Neither movement from nor towards,
Neither ascent nor decline. Except for the point, the still point,
There would be no dance, and there is only the dance.
I can only say, there we have been: but I cannot say where.
And I cannot say, how long, for that is to place it in time.⁶
Strikingly apt.
Trying to force my linear understanding of time onto a situation can tarnish the beauty of the loops and swirls that one finds oneself in along the way. The pause might actually be part of the progress.
That being said, and all those lessons being learned and all that... I'm ready for this time to be over. Ready to be back in Riga. Ready to start my language studies. Ready to escape this inward spiral and start heading back towards the place and the people that pulled me into this life in the first place.
I wait for the Lord,
my soul waits,
and in his Word I hope.⁷
¹"Should" being the key word in that equation.
²Such as "the duration of 9,192,631,770 periods of the radiation corresponding to the transition between the two hyperfine levels of the ground state of the caesium 133 atom." Which is neither well-known or conventional, but that's apparently how you measure a second.
³For a perfect illustration of this concept, please watch this.
⁴Seasons One and Two (which was only half a season- thanks for canceling it, CBS!) of Jericho, and Season One of Prison Break. A recurring theme in my life is falling in love with TV shows which are cancelled after one season, leaving me frustrated and disillusioned and swearing never to make the same mistake again. Terriers, Boomtown, Awake, Firefly, Jericho, the list goes on. Sad story.
⁵Sorry, Lance, but this is one of those instances where you're not "innocent until proven guilty." You doped. Everyone knows it. Having never failed a drug test is no longer a valid claim of innocence. And if you still think that Lance never took performance-enhancing drugs, then I have a Nigerian prince I'd like to introduce you to who has ten million dollars he needs your help investing.
⁶Don't worry, I'm not about to turn into a poetry-spouting rhapsodist, but Four Quartets is undoubtedly one of the finest pieces of literature written in the past 100 years. Staggeringly deep, and gets better each time you read it. Check it out.
⁷Psalm 130:5, ESV
¹"Should" being the key word in that equation.
²Such as "the duration of 9,192,631,770 periods of the radiation corresponding to the transition between the two hyperfine levels of the ground state of the caesium 133 atom." Which is neither well-known or conventional, but that's apparently how you measure a second.
³For a perfect illustration of this concept, please watch this.
⁴Seasons One and Two (which was only half a season- thanks for canceling it, CBS!) of Jericho, and Season One of Prison Break. A recurring theme in my life is falling in love with TV shows which are cancelled after one season, leaving me frustrated and disillusioned and swearing never to make the same mistake again. Terriers, Boomtown, Awake, Firefly, Jericho, the list goes on. Sad story.
⁵Sorry, Lance, but this is one of those instances where you're not "innocent until proven guilty." You doped. Everyone knows it. Having never failed a drug test is no longer a valid claim of innocence. And if you still think that Lance never took performance-enhancing drugs, then I have a Nigerian prince I'd like to introduce you to who has ten million dollars he needs your help investing.
⁶Don't worry, I'm not about to turn into a poetry-spouting rhapsodist, but Four Quartets is undoubtedly one of the finest pieces of literature written in the past 100 years. Staggeringly deep, and gets better each time you read it. Check it out.
⁷Psalm 130:5, ESV