It’s hard to believe that September is already at an end. But so it is. After a month of rest and recovery, now I’m back to the world of business and busyness.
I despise being busy. I don’t mind it when life is full - when there’s long lists of things needing to be done and the days are packed with people and places - but when things get busy, I start to lose steam very fast.
I’d draw the distinction between the two - busy and full - as this: Busy is when there’s lots of things happening. Full is when there’s lots of things happening, but they’re things with value and purpose to them.
Lots of meetings? Busy. Lots of meetings with people and about projects that I care deeply about? Full.
Lots of travel? Busy. Lots of travel to places and people that I care deeply about? Full.
This past month has been something of a mix between being busy and being full. I’ve spent time in three different countries (Norway, Lithuania, and eastern Latvia), all in the past week and a half. I’ve been working on three different projects (Master’s thesis, upcoming event in Rezekne this October, organizing Bible studies at my flat for the fall term). I’ve been trying to finish this newsletter for the better part of the month as well, which is kind of sad to think about.
It’s been a full month, interspersed with bouts of busyness.
I’m learning to say no to things. I’m still not good at it, especially when it involves people. But it’s becoming more and more essential for me to know how to say “No” well.
My first year in Latvia, my goal was to say Yes to everything. If someone asked me if I wanted to go somewhere/ do something/ meet someone, I would answer “Yes!” almost before they finished asking. I wanted to be open to every experience and opportunity I could soak up.
My second year in Latvia, I decided to learn how to say “Maybe.” Still open, but slowly starting to filter through opportunities as they arose, trying to understand how to fit everything into my life and my life into everything.
This, my third year in Latvia, my goal is to learn how to say “No.” Not to be a negative person, or recessed in my own little enclave, sheltered from the world… but to have focus, direction, and clarity. Drawing from the experiences of the past years to understand, who am I, where am I going, and what am I supposed to be doing along the way?
It’s harder than it sounds. And it sounds hard.
One of the highlights of this past month was a time when I said “No.” I had scheduled something for the afternoons of the two days I was back between excursions. Return home Sunday night, full days Monday and Tuesday, leave again late Tuesday night. I should have said “No” in the first place, or at least “Not now.” But pride, coupled with a strong desire to please others (who of us doesn’t idolize the busy person who somehow keeps it all together), prompted me to fill the very two afternoons I needed some space with… busyness.
In another time, it would have been full. But at that time, it was busy.
So late Sunday night, after wrestling with my self all weekend over it, I emailed the appropriate people to reschedule what had been planned. My only regret is that I didn’t straight up say, “I’m exhausted, I need an afternoon to recharge in the middle of a very full stretch, can we reschedule?” Instead I said, “Sorry, can’t make it tomorrow- something’s come up.”
(Still overly concerned about the opinions of others, apparently).
Nevertheless, I was - and remain - quite proud of myself for recognizing (albeit much later than necessary) the difference between “busy” and “full” in this particular season. And in taking action to cut away whatever contributed to busyness, even if it was important business.
Small steps. But significant ones. Moving from busy to full doesn’t happen in a month.
